I felt powerless
I would think I was fine for a moment and then tears would just start streaming down my face
I would rage out in my car… a rage and power that scared me
I felt like I didn't know this person who I spent my life with
I couldn't walk into a building without thinking that the building was going to collapse on top of me and I would sit outside while my friends would go in
I never knew what panic attacks were until this heartbreak
I was absolutely terrified that the pain would last forever
And, I felt tempted to say YES to getting back together with him, despite not being met in so many ways,
and deeply knowing that I deserve better.
This layer took a big hit to my confidence and self love.
I was torn between deeply loving someone, everything I had built with them and having to love myself more.
It was one of the most brutal experiences of my life.